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Jan. 29th, 2008



Erg, why am i so fucking dumb. 
i know 4 people in my chemistry class, i'm the only sophomore. why didn't i just take biology, next year i'm gonna be stuck with a bunch of sophmores and i'll be going through the same thing.

i don't really know anyone in 4th lunch, and i just don't want to sit by the drumline people.

im not really friends with anybody in history either

the thing i wrote for english is just horrible so i'll probably rewrite that tonight at like 12:00 and end up making it worse

i've gone to Ikea 3 times in the last 3 days to buy a stinkin desk and chair, just got home and realized that i grabed the wrong size.

i'm so nervous to have judges come on thurs.

i'm also a horrible backseat driver so my dad and i drove around nowhere for about an hour, the whole time he was yelling about why i told him to take the north exit when we wanted the south, erg.

oh, and megan w. is trying to set me up with some tom espedel

and yes i know you prolly don't care, but it feels good to say it sometimes.


Jan. 11th, 2008


next year

so i have no idea what i should do for next years classes. 
i was thinking about taking ap english, because thats pretty much one of my fav. classes. but i'm not really sure if i should take on the work load of an ap class if i have colorguard.

i know that i will probably take regular social studies, just because, er what do you learn about in 11th grade?

fairly certain that i will have orch. because i know that my mom would never let me quit that.

i will probably take prob & statistics next year, but at the same time i want to take trig, but with my luck i would get both math classes at the same time, so that would pretty much suck, perhaps i should put trig off till my senior year.

german 4, i'd like to take it, but there are times that i just hate that class and want to quit, but i've gotten so far and i don't want to throw all that i've learned away so i'll probably end up with that class.

biology, because i haven't taken it yet, though i don't know if i should do reg, honors, or cis.

i still haven't taken drivers ed, so i should probably do that sometime, but i might do that this summer- but with going on the paris/ london trip, how would that work?

i was concidering CAD/ arch. for awhile too, but i don't think that i really have time for that. 

still haven't taken an art class, though i don't really need one, i would kinda like to have an art class, just to do something new. 

a study hall would be nice.

i have a feeling that i am missing something, but i'm not sure what it is yet.

Dec. 28th, 2007

Apostle islands

dream, kiss, die

for the past three days i have been having the same dream. I'm sitting below deck on a pure white boat (i don't know what kind cause i never leave below deck) and i'm hugging this guy and occasionally kissing him, or he is kissing me and hugging me. then all of a sudden i see the sunset and i start to run so that i am in the water, but i can't really run so i just sink and i end up drowning and dead. once i'm dead i wake up and i am next to the guy again and it starts all over again. 
then today when i checked my facebook, i had a bunch of "superpokes" from him.


Dec. 24th, 2007

gooseberry falls


i think i might have found someone that i like, but i don't want to let myself realize it, and half of me is yelling "come on alissa you can do better", but the other half just says "go with the flow, don't fight the current, you'll just end up drift wood, broken and alone". i'll probably just let it drift away from me, until all i can see are the remains of what might have been.

Dec. 15th, 2007



slowly i am starting to realize that i am trying to hurt myself...

Dec. 9th, 2007

Apostle islands


so youtube removed the dante's inferno colorguard show, very depressing, but i found a creepier show



Dec. 7th, 2007


What Do You Have To Say? - Ah, Youth

three or so days after my 6th birthday my dad started to felt sick so my mom took him into the doctor one day while i was at school, so when my brother and i got home from school we were just sitting around the house wondering were everyone was. around 5:00 p.m. we got a phone call from my mom. i could just hear her crying and saying that she would be home soon.

for about a week i just knew that my dad was staying at the hospital, i thought it was like a special vacation or something. then when my mom was out shopping i happened to pick up the phone and some nurse or someone started saying that we had to get down to the hospital right away, hes gone into a coma, you need to get down here right away. i didn't know was a coma was so i just hung up and waited for my mom to get home.

after that we ended up spending almost every day at the hospital watching him sleep while about three machines beeped continuosly. we waited for 6 weeks for him to wake up. i remember being told things by the nurses like "smile your daddys going to want to see a smile on that face." or "why are you leaving now, don't you care about your daddy and want to be with him." and probably the worst of all "oh poor baby, you don't know that your daddy is going to die, do you" i doubt they knew how hard i would cry at home because they wouldn't let me cry there.

well they were all wrong, the week before easter he woke up. 

without trying i can still smell the steril smell of his room, or see his blue veins poping out of his paper white skin. or how he was only allowed to eat blue food once he woke up and how i would refuse to eat, because i knew that he couldn't.

this is what i remember from my childhood

Nov. 30th, 2007

Apostle islands

(no subject)

so how come once i make a decision a better option comes up, well i don't know if its really better. one feels safe, the other i don't know

Nov. 24th, 2007



 What is it about him that just keeps drawing me towards him? I do know that it won't happen, right? Whatever, I know that it's crazy.

Nov. 21st, 2007

Apostle islands


why didn't i say bye when i could have
i didn't hate
but now i see what i've done
too late
though there was much i didn't know
i know you'll never 
see this
but, this is for you always
i'll miss you

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